My sentimental journey

An ordinary girl's walk with an extraordinary God.


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Do you ever feel that the demand on you is greater then the supply ? or perhaps  what you have to offer pales in comparison to what it takes to meet the need  ..  Well , do I have good news for you .First of all your in good company ..Moses rescued from a basket floating in the Nile..grew up to see the unveiling of a promise that started swaddled in a blanket of his mothers love. Tenderly nursing of seeds of greatness and destiny ..Moses at the edge of  that destiny stared trembling at  his weakness ,lacking eloquent not equipped to be a man of words,slow of speech and having a heavy and awkward tongue .. Moses heart burning like the God fueled  bush,  fully ablaze with a fiery passion to serve .. flames dossed with the stark reality of his lack .. Somehow Moses must have thought God was unaware of his shortcomings.. perhaps pointing them out one by one would surely change the course that God was mapping out for him ..God  however did not allow how Moses felt about himself derail His  divine plans for deliverance. He chose to send a deliverer which also needed delivering.Human fragility imprinted with the image of Yahweh and  still equipped to do the work in his human condition. Moses  the mouthpiece ,slow of speech ,but a mouth formed by  almighty God, and as God was freeing His people from bondage He was freeing Moses as well  His all consuming fire . Burning the chaff , Breaking  chains of inadequacies and lack to truths that would set Moses free..  Honesty I have lost count of the times I have told God of my lack ..  sure I know   “I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me ” by heart and that     God’s word is true for  he is not a man that He can lie ..  still I  find myself doubting ,or even  comparing myself with others knowing full well I’m not suppose to . And  when faced with a assignment that  required shoes to big  for my feet to fill . I look to God and want to say “are you  talking to me?” . Questioning  the God of the cosmos ,the one that knitted me in my mothers womb , that knows me intimately my raising and my sitting and finds in each one of us  intrinsic value . as I write these words I pray little by little , precept upon precept ..line upon line I will grasp  his truth ,truth that will empower me . Longing  for the day I no  longer say like Moses “here I’m Lord send Aaron” but I will go ,trusting in a God that knows all about me and loves me anyway .. that me plus God equals mountain moving faith , that my five loaves and two fish offering can fed the masses  simply because God blessed it .. Using me, “this basket case” of woven insecurities to reveal God’s glorious case through a basket …

Flotations of faith

Lord , Bless our hearts with a burning desire to follow you and trust you where you lead us..May we know your strength is made perfect in our weakness , to glory in our weakness because where we are weak you are strong … thank you for the big shoes we may be called to fill can be removed as we stand on your holy ground where size does not matter ….Thank you that we can serve such a awe inspiring God who sees  our less as more  …


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Redefining True Beauty and Brawn

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There is no doubt in my mind that a good part portion of my life has been strongly following  what our society has focused on, whether it be outward appearances, position, or possessions.  My fragile self worth hinging vicariously on the  approval of others.  Compelling images on screen or print drove me to strive for acceptance as it  encourages the population to worship physical beauty, strength and the dew of youth.  Even  though I know Proverbs 31 tells us, “beauty is vain (because it is not lasting….” still  my past choices gave too much energy and exertion on achieving shiny bouncing hair, pearly white teeth, or  the “perfect pant size”.

Nearly 30 years ago it caused me to fall headlong into crippling eating disorder after my failed first marriage. The grip of anorexia squeezed out any of the vibrant life God had for me. Only being able to overcome its’ strong clutches through the power of my praying mother.  Within a year my eyes were opened to the devastation of what the eating disorder was doing to my body. Sadly, a few years later my poor body image reared its’ ugly head again due to my weight gain shortly after I got remarried. This time narrowly escaping a potential battle with bulimia. My husband somehow opened the bathroom door that I “knew” I had locked, he saw me leaning over the toilet to rid myself of my last meal.  This was a profound wake up call  from a gracious God sparing me from another pit of personal destruction.  After that miraculous encounter I never again struggled with any kind of eating disorder.

For the most part, we can agree there is nothing wrong with admiring external beauty or brawn, enjoying healthy hair, whiter teeth or battling the bugle. Our bodies are the temple of the Lord, and we are encouraged to take care of them.  Still, it  becomes clear that I want to shift my attention to a boarder picture of  true beauty and brawn. That which is not  highlighted in fashion nor physical fitness magazines, becoming more confident that true beauty comes from within and strength is measured beyond bulging muscles and washboard abs.  Longing to view mankind as God does, for His word says, “Man looks to the outward appearances while God looks at the heart”.  Not judging a book by its’ cover as the prophet Samuel did when on a mission to choose the next King of Israel, had it not been for the Spirit of God telling him otherwise, Samuel would have anointed the wrong man.  Almost overlooking  the ruddy David who tended sheep but had a heart for God. Once again God reveals that true “strength” and “beauty” has nothing to do with outward appearances but rather what is in the heart and spirit of a man or woman.

God applauds the stouthearted  spirit of the  elderly, the perseverance of the disabled and all those battling crippling diseases or limitations whether in mind or body. This reevaluation is pounding hard,  hitting home as I  watch a loved one’s heroic stamina tackle life.  Where walking, brushing teeth, or eating  has become laborious. This changes the face of what “powerful” really is, a rugged human spirit determined to live with dignity in spite of adversities. What I once put so much stock in has lost  its’ value challenging and rocking the very core of my flimsy standards. Smashing the idols of self worth and worldly value and realigning my perspective as to what real beauty and strength is.

The reality is we all carry within us weaknesses, scars, and flaws that reside in our heart’s and mind’s…. crippling us from soaring as God intended. A fortified internal city  masking our shortcomings and  inner wounds.  And yet God beckons us to “glory in our weakness and infirmities, that the strength and power of Christ may rest (yes, may pitch a tent over and dwell upon me”. * His power is shown up in our weaknesses.

Thank you Lord that Your love and approval does not depend on ones physical strength or outward beauty.  In fact, true strength and beauty is determined by what is on the inside of a person.  Not only that, but  your love is absolutely unconditional even in our brokenness. Redefining to a needy culture what true “Beauty and Brawn” is.

Training the body helps a little, but godly living helps in every way. Godly living has the promise of life now and in the world to come.   1  Timothy 4:8

*2 Corinthians 12:9