I want to share how the mighty power of God pulled a crazy Ephesians 3:20 on me while writing my book Reclaimed Joy. At one point, I thought my manuscript was done. As I headed to what I thought was the home stretch, I heard the Lord say “deconstruct to reconstruct.” As I pondered those words in regard to my book, it was confirmed during the writing retreat at Tetelestai Ministries days later.Indeed, it needed reconstruction.
Returning home, I rolled up my sleeves to what felt like a daunting task. With the Lord’s help, I completed my reconstruction and was eager to send it to a dear friend to look it over. To my shock, I realized I had reconstructed my whole book from an unedited copy of it. Devastated at this revelation, my emotions ranged from mad to sad as tears welled in my eyes. The task seemed insurmountable. That night, I stepped away from the project as doubts flooded my mind. I wondered if I was even called to write my story. My husband and dear friends prayed for me, and the next morning, I heard the Lord say, “Lay it fallow and step into the hallowed.” That sounded good to me, for I was heading to Estes Park in Colorado the next day for a Her Voice rally, and I knew time away would do me good.
Violet, You’re Turning Violet
The rally was life-changing, as it always is, and I not only stepped on holy ground, but I also lay my full body down on it. Normally, that is not how I posture myself at a rally, but the Lord was getting my attention, and it was through pain. C.S. Lewis has a beautiful reminder of this. He said, “Pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our consciences, but shouts in our pains. It is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.” And let me tell you, I was in pain.It was not about my book; my stomach was bloating like Violet’s when she grabbed Willy Wonka’s everlasting gobstopper, popping the gum into her mouth and chomping away. From tomato soup to roast beef, baked potato and finally blueberry pie and creme, it immediately made her bloat up like a giant blueberry. That was exactly how I felt. I’m usually quite fond of dessert.
The Rose Is Red, The Violet, Blue
As I prayed for my stomach earlier that day, the Lord reminded me of being three years old and having bad stomach aches that would wake me up at night, which I believe were attributed to sexual abuse. I was beginning to see He was revealing something that needed healing.Later that afternoon, during his teaching, Danny McDaniels shared from his book Freedom: Winning the Battle Within. He walked us through a group deliverance prayer. Those prayers would forever change me even more than the last time in July 2021 at the Her Voice rally at Camp Crestview in Corbett, Oregon. As he began to call out sexual abuse, incest, molestation, and rape, I moved myself to the upper level of the auditorium to lay my bloated stomach on the ground. I was in so much pain and fear of embarrassing myself with so much trapped gas. Before we prayed, he told us that we might cough, cry, yawn, or have a runny nose because the demonic oppression comes out through the openings in our body. I never heard him say anything about gas, and believe me, I would have much preferred a yawn as their way of escape.
As I positioned myself on the ground, I checked my phone and saw a message from my dear friend Debbie; that was straight from heaven.
“Just a quick word from the Lord.Get up close,daughter get up real close. I have something for you. Something special that you are not expecting. I love you with undying love. I have known you before you were placed in your mother’s womb. Fearfully and wonderfully created by My own hands. But you do need to come closer. Empty yourself and humble yourself. Get ready for My Word to touch your life as I have said. Even your socks will be blessed off, says your Lord.”
It made me giggle; it was as if she knew one way or the other that I might be emptying myself that night.“Your will, not mine, Lord Jesus,” I said to myself. And so, I got closer, humbled and emptied myself with the help of beautiful people not only praying for me at home but also in Colorado. Precious women like Sophie, Jessica, and Brenda had my back in prayer with love and compassion. This created a safe environment for me to cry from the depth of pain that a little girl and teenager had been, letting things come up and out for good. It was the most free I have ever felt in 60 years.And whenever I remember that the Lord met me as I lay on the carpet in Colorado, bloated up like a blueberry, it reminds me that author and pastor Jenny Donnelly is definitely right: “Dignity is highly overrated” (from her book, Wake Up Dead).
When I returned home on Saturday evening, my stomach felt the best it had felt in a very long time. I woke up on Sunday around 5:00 a.m.to a peaceful prompting from the Lord to research Freemason ritual abuse. Before I go any further, I want to make one thing clear: not all Freemasons are involved in such atrocities. I also believe in forgiveness for all injustices we suffer. Jesus Christ has forgiven us; so, too, we must forgive others. It’s not easy by any means, but necessary and so utterly liberating.
As I read some articles that morning, nothing jumped out at me; it didn’t seem like any of those things had ever happened to me. I asked my husband to pray for me, and it was then when images flooded my mind, which led to a couple of hours of newly revealed details, puzzle pieces coming together, and a realization that some things had happened to me as a child, which my mind could not handle.
Also that day, another key player in my abuse was confirmed…someone I never could have believed.Thirteen years ago, the Lord revealed my dad’s sexual abuse to me through someone, which I will talk about later in the book. However, on this day, it seemed I could handle more heartbreak because of all the grief being released. I simply followed the Lord’s prompts and listened to the directions of the Holy Spirit. Though it was difficult, I felt so free to have finally known more about my past to forgive those who had wronged me in their own brokenness.Going to church that sunny day, my face glowed so much that people even commented about it. No more dark secrets the enemy could use against me to block the living water that flows out of my belly. And guess what day this truth gem was found? On Halloween! The very day God chose to reverse the curse of all demonic activities that were carried out on me as a child. I now stand on hallowed ground, completely free, writing this book with a depth of freedom as never before. My heart’s cry is for you to find your hallowed, holy ground as you journey to freedom and wholeness.
“The Lord God is my Strength, my personal bravery, and my invincible army; He makes my feet like hinds’ feet and will make me to walk [not to stand still in terror, but to walk] and make [spiritual] progress upon my high places [of trouble, suffering, or responsibility]!”—Habakkuk 3:19
From Reclaimed Joy Discovering the God of Wonders in your Whys Chapter 1