The sandy beaches of the Oregon Coast were a welcome sight. It seemed like an eternity since I last let the dissipating waves swirl around my toes and salty breezes brushed my cheeks, in reality it had not even been a year. Hardship had crashed me against life’s craggy shores and turned the tide of my emotional topography.
Just before my last attempt to grace the seaside a dark storm loomed a day before our scheduled trip. My car accident left our van totaled and my body with whiplash and soft tissue damage. Instead of a trip to the beach we made a trip to the Urgent Care.
This new detour map was dotted with treatments using a large portion of my energy towards wellness again. A mere 18 days after the accident I received the dreaded phone call that my brothers’ battle with Lewy Body Dementia was coming to a close. Waiting for days as Troy hung on death’s door… the hinges finally releasing him to Heaven’s glory 10 days later. I had to say good bye to the most amazing brother one could ever have asked for. Even in his illness he walked with exemplary dignity and joy, touching lives wherever he went .
Waves of grief had been rolling in years since his diagnosis having to watch my mother and brother battle different forms of Dementia simultaneously seemed unbearable at times.
And now insurmountable waves of loss billowed over my soul as I watched my last family member be lowered into the earthen soil. Breakers of sorrow knocked my faith to the ground, leaving in its’ wake sadness and anger that littered my soul with debris of why’s and confusion. Welling up in me was an anger towards God I was ashamed to admit. Who wants to acknowledge your mad at God Almighty?. And yet in all honesty we know He already knows. Psalms 139 : 4 makes it clear, “For there is not a word in my tongue ( still unuttered but, behold ,O Lord You know it altogether.” He knows it and He loves us inspite of it! His word reassures us over and over of His character *”We serve a God that is compassionate and gracious slow to anger and abounding in love “.
He so longs to comfort us when we come clean with our wrong thinking. It is us who moves away never the other way around… I love how the prophet Habakkuk questioned his tone towards God in Habakkuk 2:1
“[OH, I know, I have been rash to talk out plainly this way to God!] I will [in my thinking] stand upon my post of observation and station myself on the tower or fortress, and will watch to see what He will say within me and what answer I will make [as His mouthpiece] to the perplexities of my complaint against Him.”
Habakkuk laid in out on the table of honesty and God wasted no time serving him up a heaping portion of good news .
For… Then the Lord answered me and said,
“Write the vision
And engrave it plainly on [clay] tablets
So that the one who reads it will run.
“For the vision is yet for the appointed [future] time
It hurries toward the goal [of fulfillment]; it will not fail.
Even though it delays, wait [patiently] for it,
Because it will certainly come; it will not delay.”
God is working on our behalf to right the wrongs and forge positive changes in our lives .We then get to turn the tide becoming a mouthpiece for His truth.
God has been gracious to me in all my kicking and screaming, quieting me with His love… and He started with a Lady Bug.
When we finally made it to the beach 3 months later it was graced with tens of 1,000’s of Lady bugs on its’ glistening coastline. Sources have several explanations as to why these winged beauty’s gather at the waters edge. One theory is that after they have given birth Santa Ana winds blow some to the coastal regions. How they got there I know not, I do know my mission became to rescue as many as I could from the dirty foam and tide creeping up to whisk them away again. Delighted to scoop them up one by one into a small broken shell, gently rinsing them with seawater if needed. Then allowing my arm to become a haven of rest to regroup, dry off, then poised themselve for take off.
My weary heart could relate to these small winged creatures. I too had felt stuck, weighted down and unable to soar. Helping them ultimately began to help me, reminding me of a verse in Zechariah, “Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin”* How awesome is that? Whether we take big steps or baby steps, God is cheering us on ! He also knows our necessities before we even ask. Most importantly He loves to deliver us in our time of need. As I strolled to the beach with Kevin on that day of healing my eye caught a garden sign that read, “Ladybugs Welcome”. Yes, Lord your lesson from the ladybugs was welcome indeed.
- A side note :my camera has the wrong date for you super sleuth’s. We went to the beach on May 1th 2016 , It was the anniversary of my mother’s passing 3 years prior .